Day 0.
At some point, I feel relieved. It seems like the part of my brain that used to constantly think, expect, and worry about him has finally gone quiet. I have the energy to set up a meeting with my friend.
I realized I always preferred meeting him over anyone else. I hoped he would reach out, ask me on a date. But lately, that never happens. He keeps canceling our plans, saying he feels too sick and tired from his health recovery.
I don’t know why his energy dropped to zero. It feels like I’m no longer his light, no longer his angel. Sad, but that’s the reality.
He says meeting his friends is stress relief. His cigarettes are stress relief.
But what hurts the most?
He was to says that He prefer to hangout with me, instead of with the others when I asked him to meet his friends back then.
I’m no longer his stress relief.
I’m no longer his home.
That's also the reality.
The more I miss him, the more he feels pressured by my expectations.
The closer I try to get, the smaller he feels.
My love for him hurts him.
And that’s the fact that hurts me the most.
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